Get support For prospective adopters Introductions Overview This part of the adoption process is particularly emotional and demanding. It’s not uncommon to feel an intense mixture of emotions from excitement and elation to nervousness and worry. You may have to undertake a lot of travel and spend time in a foster carer’s home as well as get to know your child. It’s normal to feel tired and emotionally drained at this significant time. Planning the introductions The placement plan, which was prepared as part of the matching process, sets out the placement arrangements. The details of the introductions are agreed at a planning meeting. You’ll attend this meeting along with your social worker, your child’s social worker and your child’s foster carers. The purpose of the meeting is to agree when and where you’ll meet the child you’ve been matched with and over what period. Some introductions take place over a few weeks and others may take longer, depending on the needs of your child. The plan will be detailed and involve meetings over most days of the introduction period. It’ll include spending time with your child at particular times of the day, for instance mealtimes and bedtimes so that you can become familiar with their routine and they can become comfortable with you. The plan should include activities they enjoy and short trips out. The plan will build in time for your child to visit your home, usually initially with their foster carers, then on their own and then building up to an overnight and a weekend stay. You’ll usually be advised to limit your child’s introduction to immediate family only at this stage to avoid overwhelming them and to allow them to begin bonding with you. Introductions book You may want to prepare a book about yourself and your home and family that’s given to your child before they meet you. It would include photographs of you and your immediate and wider family, your home and local area and pictures of things that you know your child likes. It could be in the form of a scrapbook or photograph album. Some adopters make a short film. The foster carers and child’s social worker can use the introduction book to help prepare your child to meet you. It can also give you something to talk about with them when you first meet them and over the coming weeks. It can also form a precious keepsake over the longer term. If possible, it may be useful to make a copy of the book that you keep in a safe place. Meeting your child for the first time You’re most likely to first meet your child at their foster carer’s home. It’s normal to feel nervous about the first meeting and to worry about whether they’ll like you. It can help to remember that they’ll feel equally anxious and unsettled. It’s important to keep the first meeting low key. Your child may want to show you their home and their toys and belongings. They may want you to take part in a particular activity they enjoy. Showing interest, joining in and being led by them can be a good way to begin to get to know them. You may decide to give them a photograph or a small token to keep until your next meeting. This can be a good way to build in a sense that you’ll come back and see them again soon. If your child is old enough to understand, you may want to tell them you’ve been looking forward to meeting them. Letting your child know when you’ll next visit can help them to understand that you will return. “I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow,” is helpful to repeat to build trust and dependability. Introductions Once you’ve met your child and you’re following the Introduction Plan, it can be helpful to get as much information from the foster carer as possible and record this somewhere. Information about routines, timings, likes and dislikes, potential triggers and calming activities can all help to make the transition from the foster carer’s home into yours smoother. It can feel strange during this period to spend a lot of time in someone else’s home and to learn new routines, particularly if the local area is new to you and if you’re staying away from your own home. Taking time to relax in between meetings is important and will help to sustain you through this process. Introduction review Once the introductions have started, the arrangements can be slowed down or speeded up to suit the needs of your child. A review will be held around halfway through introductions to discuss whether the plan should continue or be revised. Preparing your child to move in with you While your child may be excited about moving into your home, it’ll still be a break from what’s familiar and secure to them and a step into the unknown. This can trigger feelings of a lack of safety. There are several ways that the final move can be planned in order to give your child the best chance of a good transition into your home. Bring familiar smells into your home. This can be done by making up their bed with a set of their bedding, washed in a familiar laundry detergent from the foster carer’s home. Have familiar foods available. Make a list of your child’s favourite and familiar foods and have them ready for when they arrive, especially if food is likely to be something they feel insecure over. It’s less important to focus on healthy eating at this time. Reassure your child that their existing relationships will continue. Knowing they’ll be able to keep in regular contact with their foster carers and anyone else that’s significant and positive in their lives will help to give a sense of continuation and security. When your child moves in with you Moving-in day is a significant and emotional day for everyone involved. It’s normal as an adoptive parent to feel a great responsibility as all the training and preparation has led up to this point. Foster carers may feel sadness at seeing a child leave their care, even when they know that the move is a positive one for the child. Some adoptive families experience a ‘honeymoon period’ during the first few weeks and others don’t. It’s best to keep life low-key and as familiar as possible for your child, following the usual routines and activities. Although extended family and friends may be excited to meet your child, it’s advisable to take this slowly. There’s much about their new home and family that’s unfamiliar and strange to your child and they’ll need time to get to know you, to feel comfortable with you and to trust you. It’s normal for children to regress a bit in their development in their new adoptive home. You may notice them reverting to behaviours that are typical of a younger child such as thumb sucking or wanting to play with toys that are designed for younger children. This isn’t a reflection on you and can happen when a child is going through a major transition. If this happens it’s advisable to adjust your parenting to the age that your child is presenting at. For instance, playing ‘peek-a-boo’ games, cuddling under a blanket and reverting to foods they may have enjoyed as a younger child can all help to make them feel secure and bonded to you. They may need more help than usual with self-care including using the toilet. Responding to their needs in this way will also demonstrate that you’ve noticed them and are willing to give them what they require at this time. In contrast, your child may seek to take care of their own needs and not yet feel safe enough to allow you to take care of them. They’ll require time to learn that you’re dependable and trustworthy. They’ll experience this through repeating routines and structure. They may also need some element of control within a safe structure. Allowing them some limited choice can ease their anxiety. As well as following the advice you’ll be given, it’s important to take opportunities to have fun and to record your adventures as a family by taking photographs and saving mementoes of your time together. Taking care of yourself Even though getting to know a child and supporting them to move home with you is in some ways, the final stage of the adoption process, it’s usual to find this part demanding. If you feel tired and overwhelmed it’s important to remember what a significant life event this is. There’s a lot to learn very quickly and it’s natural to make mistakes. You may also be on your feet and active for long periods as well as having to think and problem-solve quickly. It’ll become easier as you learn the ropes. It’s important to get support from the professionals around you as well as your support network at this time. Adoption UK organise support groups for local as well as new adopters which many find useful during this time. Suggested reading Preparing for Adoption, by Julia Davis, pub. Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Questions for foster carers and social workers View a printable version of this page Manage Cookie Preferences