Contact through social media Considerations before you start the search Firstly, once you have identified a birth family member, do you want to go ahead with contact? It helps to be clear about what you are searching for. Are you interested in building a relationship with birth family members or do you only want to know about your birth history, medical information or the circumstances of your adoption? Have you got the right person? What might the repercussions be if you have misidentified someone? Managing expectations and responses Be prepared for different reactions. It can be quite shocking to receive contact out of the blue and you have to consider that it may not be positively received. In some cases, your birth may have been a ‘secret’ and some birth family members may not be aware of your existence. We often see images of instant connection from programmes such as Long Lost Family, but the reality is that it can take time to establish a relationship. You may not receive a reply from social media messages at all, but this isn’t necessarily an indication of whether the person wants to reply or not, - they may not have received your message due to settings or not using their profile often. You may also be left on read (where someone has read your message) but they do not reply— sometimes people do not want to be contacted, or they may need time to think about how or when to reply. Your privacy and setting boundaries Social media can open you up to a wider network of extended family, and this can take the situation out of your hands. You may feel pressurised to connect with people at a pace that doesn’t feel comfortable to you. Intermediary services recommend getting to know people over a period of time, whereas contact via social media can be very rapid. It is advisable that you pay attention to your social media privacy settings from the beginning. If you decide that you no longer want to maintain contact, it can be difficult to take a step back once your personal details are known. Alternatively, you may not be searching but are approached by a birth family member out of the blue on social media. Set your boundaries and know what level of interaction you are prepared to accept and allow. Know what options you have if social media contact becomes unwanted or abusive e.g. blocking, reporting. Further support If you would like to speak to someone who can provide information and signposting and who can offer a listening ear, contact our Information and Support Line. It is free and you can call from anywhere in the UK. Tracing birth family within the UK - pre-1975 adoptions Tracing birth family within the UK - post-1975 adoptions Accessing records and tracing birth relatives - intercountry adoptees Manage Cookie Preferences