Case Study: Tom, Adoptee

Tom was adopted at the age of three, by which time he had lived in 15 different homes.  

After stable years in primary school, the transition to high school was extremely challenging.  

“I was unhappy and I didn’t know why. I started missing school and on days I missed, it felt like I couldn’t move, my mind was absent, it was like my head was cloudy. I would lay in bed for hours until this passed, forcing me to miss school, even though I wanted to go in. The whole day I was unable to function, and this started to happen more and more. 

My parents worked tirelessly with the teachers to find ways of getting me into school, to no avail. I was fortunate enough that my parents funded various therapies to try and help, but sadly none of them worked. I was seen by a trauma specialist and was diagnosed with pre-verbal trauma. This is where the neglect by my birth parents had affected my brain to shut down when I feel anxiety or stress. This trauma occurred before I was able to verbalise it.” 

Even though my school tried their hardest, they did not have the capability of understanding my needs. They did not comprehend what an adoptee needed. We offered them teacher training but it was refused. I was threatened with being removed from the school due to poor attendance, and eventually my parents had no choice but to pull me out.” 

Even though my school tried their hardest, they did not have the capability of understanding my needs.

Tom started online schooling, and though this solved some problems, it created new ones. “I had no social life, no human interaction, and this affected my mental health.” With family support he was able to stick with his online school and got through his GCSEs. He has a place at a sixth form college to study A levels in Law, Psychology and English Literature.  

Reflecting on the things that would have made a difference for Tom in school, his main message is about teacher training: “All teachers, and all school counsellors, should be trained on the lifelong impact of adoption and how trauma affects us.”  

Navigating the school system where no one understands us, is harder than anyone can believe.

He also recommends mentor teachers who can build a relationship with a child and stick with them over time, and genuinely safe spaces in school where children who are struggling can retreat: “Not to confuse this idea with shoving you into a closet and calling it a safe room, which is what happened to me.” 

Tom concludes: “As adoptees, we start life on the back foot. Navigating the school system where no one understands us, is harder than anyone can believe.”