Adopting as a single parent

There is nothing unusual about single parenting – around a quarter of households in the UK with dependent children are headed by a single parent. Adoption agencies welcome enquiries from prospective adopters who are single, and many children are adopted by single people every year.   

The adoption process for single people is the same as for everyone else. There are, however, some extra things you will need to think about.  

Contents

Support network

Work and finances

Parenting as a single adopter

Meeting a new partner

Benefits of adopting as a single person

Further information

Support network  

A strong and well-informed support network is important for all adopters, and especially for single adopters. Adoptive parenting is demanding and complex and you’ll need an identified group of family and/or friends to support you practically and emotionally over the long term.   

Once you’ve identified who’ll be in your support network, it’s useful to consider the variety of support you’ll need and to think about the strengths and any potential gaps in your network. Some people may be keen to learn about therapeutic parenting methods and be well suited to becoming a direct support to you and your child, spending time with you both and perhaps taking on some childcare. It’s important that these people are empathic and understand that a history of developmental trauma can mean that children communicate through behaviour in certain ways that can feel challenging. Other members of your support network may be better suited to practical support such as helping you out with shopping or doing jobs around the house, and others may be great listeners.  

 

Work and finances 

You don’t need to be wealthy to adopt a child but you will need to show you’re financially secure and that you’re able to earn enough to support your family.   

The needs of an adopted child may mean that you won’t be able to continue with your current hours and work patterns. Many adopted children find transitions and changes to childcare difficult, including after school clubs, breakfast clubs and holiday camps. This can mean that the potential working day is shorter than you’re used to, and the possible number of working days are limited by school holidays.   

Statistically, adopted children struggle more in school than their peers. This can mean that there are days when a child cannot attend school and some children may be out of school for long periods. If this were to be the case, consider what arrangements you could put in place. Could you work from home or take additional leave? It’s worth finding out if your employer offers flexibility and what family-friendly arrangements they can offer. If your workplace has a trade union, they advise you about your employment rights as you navigate this huge change in your life.   

 

Parenting as a single adopter   

Adopted children require parenting in a way that takes account of the developmental trauma, loss and disruption they’ve experienced. They may struggle to regulate their emotions and may have difficulties forming healthy attachments and maintaining friendships. Parenting an adopted child can be isolating, intense and demanding, particularly if you’re doing it as a single parent, and have limited opportunities for a break or to share your frustrations with others. Those around you may not always understand your child’s needs and may offer uninvited opinions about your parenting.  It’s important that you can ask for help when you need it, from your social worker and your support network. Communicating with others in a similar situation can also be hugely beneficial. Take a look at Adoption Uk’s community groups for new sources of support.  

 

Meeting a new partner   

If you start a relationship with a new partner and decide to introduce them to your child, this needs to be done carefully and thoughtfully. Adopted children are likely to lack security and introducing a new partner may be experienced as a threat at first, and feel quite psychologically unsafe for them.  

If you start a new relationship during your adoption preparation with someone who is likely to feature significantly in your child’s life, your partner will also need to be assessed.   

 

Benefits of adopting as a single person 

Adoptive parenting can put a strain on relationships. As a single adoptive parent you avoid having to negotiate therapeutic parenting methods with a partner. This is commonly reported as a problem area for those who adopt as a couple. Children with relational trauma can also seek control by dividing and trying to cause conflict in a relationship which is something couples have to be aware of and guard against.   

Some adopted children find it easier to attach to one parent as the dynamics in the family home are more straightforward. Adopted children from single parent households do just as well as those from two parent families.  

 

Further information   

 

 

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